That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
