Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
