Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
