Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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