Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
