She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
