You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
