I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
