he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
