He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
