I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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