Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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