Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
