honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
