my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
