I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
