Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
