We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
