3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need a beard to bite.
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