Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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