too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
