Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
