no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
