I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
