xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
