Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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