I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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