fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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