Already got asked if we're dating
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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