It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
