i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
