that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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