her vagine was all disorganized.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
