ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
