it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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