my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
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He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
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I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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