Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am one with the molecules
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
