I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your cock deserves a montage
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
