the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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