I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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