Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
