you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
