then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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