my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I will be naked everywhere
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
