They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
