I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
