It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
