Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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