I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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