Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
