You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
soo... how was my night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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