His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
