I want to stick my p in your. b.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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