My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
