I'm so fucking centered right now
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
