my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
