Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
