Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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