I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
