I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
