I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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