low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
