i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
