She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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