My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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