turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
