Well apparently he's into motor boating.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
