dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
